work v.s. weekends

during my week day i'm a professional. yes, a secretary is a professional. just think about it, my job is to control chaos, get everybody where they are supposed to go and remain on top of everything at the same time. seriously, if i quit my job today, no one would have a clue as to what i do and wouldn't be able to step into my position and succeed.

and that takes a toll on me. by the end of the week, i'm exhausted.

but, weekends are a blessing. i only wish they lasted longer. it's time to relax, get some stuff done, and spend longer amounts of time with tony.
weekends remind me to be appreciative of what i have. that sounds sappy. but, every day i remind myself of how wonderful it is to be alive. to listen to the leaves rustle, baby pierce wailing because he's cutting a new tooth, the christian rock station we've taken to listening to (the instrumentals are great), waves crashing on shore, the twittering of finches in the trees on our patio, the hum of the washing machine (because it means that there's harmony in my home.) mundane chores; you know.

it's harder to have that appreciation at work. i think because people are so unhappy and they feel safe expressing their anger. personally, i find it hard to cope with on a daily basis. and that adds to my fatigue level. i have my own isses to cope with and really don't need theirs too!

so when my day is done, i look forward to a silly conversation, a hug, a joke. i guess i'm looking forward to a little healthy interaction between another person. why can't everyone try to be a little more positive? or am i just a pollyanna?

having your child move away

this is my baby girl patiently waiting in the puerto vallarta airport. she's studying japanese as we sit for forever on uncomfortable chairs.

we got there WAY ahead of time and i don't regret a moment because i knew i was going to have to say goodbye when we flew into san francisco. and i wasn't going to see her for a very long time.

that was horrible. i kissed her all over her face and cried. and on the ride home on the airbus; i cried. when i got home, i cried.

rae is now in chiba, japan and mina is in Los Angeles. they are enjoying living life now that they are out of school. my babies are real grown-up people, helping others learn and grow and i couldn't be prouder of them.

but, boy, being a mother really sucks sometimes. i worked hard at raising those two wonderful women. and, now, i have to accept that i'm not the center of their world anymore. intellectually, i have no problem with that. it's the emotional part that i, along with every other mom, find hard to deal with sometimes.

but i'm lucky as there's email and blogs and text messaging and snail mail. i'm still not the center of their world. but, i can keep informed of the good and the bad and i count myself lucky that my children are now my friends.

and, i only cry once in awhile. really.

more mexico

i really liked yelapa. something about being close to the sea, sleeping in a swinging hammock, showering with a gecko (i think that's what he was), napping during the heat of the day, and listening to the parakeets in the trees outside our palapa.

though going to mexico scared me. going to europe scared me too. but it was more of a "what if i get lost?" scared. in mexico, i understood more of the language and i worried that would get me confused.

it turned out that my limited skill with Spanish was a big help. but, i got lost a lot. to rae's dismay.